FUNKY FAIRY TALES: Rapunzel, Her Prince & The Witch, - Part 1...

Rapunzel was an absolutely gorgeous golden blond.  Of course, her hair was long, long, very thick and she usually wore it in a rope-like braid.  That was good because people climbed up it.  Naturally, it had a lot of body too to be able to support the average person's weight.  And, Rapunzel was a robust girl, from isometric exercises, all that leaning backward holding herself steady while the witch AND, the Prince, a big muscular guy, climbed...

But, to the start of the story:

Rapunzel's mother was a selfish thing, very difficult, especially when she was pregnant.  Her poor husband was a meek sweet guy. The two lived outside a seveneenth century french town in a pretty cottage, an almost perfect location.  I say almost perfect because they lived next door to a witch.  Yes,---a real live witch, not just an herbalist. And, that witch had a wonderful garden...

Rapunzel's mother had the typical cravings that pregnant women often have.  In her case, the cravings  were accentuated BECAUSE she absolutely couldn't have the food she wanted!  Everyday she looked out the window of the charming cottage and sighed deeply.  "If I can't have some of that rapion that grows in the witches garden I will die!"  Now, rapion, if you don't know, is a leafy spinach-type vegetable.  It's delicious when lightly steamed with butter or served raw with olive oil and red wine vinegar.

Rapunzel's father rolled his eyes.  "My dear wife, that rapion belongs to the witch.  You know you can't have any!   She's a witch, for heaven's sake!"

"But, Sam!..." (Sam was Rapunzel's father's name; her mother's name was Marie.)  "Sam, I will DIE if I can't have a bowl of that rapion!"

"No!  Can you imagine how afraid I am to even see her out there weeding her garden by the light of the waning moon?"

"Sam, I told you I will DIE!  I WILL DIE!"

"No, you WON'T!"

" I WILL!"

And, Marie began to lose weight, which as you know is not good for a pregnant woman.  So finally Sam, very frightened, went to knock on the witches door.

The witch opened it, peering out, her viridian green eyes lovely, but cruel.   "What do you want, Fool?"

"I,---uh...  My wife...  She's with child and she has a craving for some the rapion that's growing in your garden."

"So what?  Get the hell off my property!," the witch yelled, shaking her long light auburn hair as her house fox tried to bite Sam's ankle.

"Does this mean you aren't going to give me any of it?," Sam asked, dodging the fox's teeth..

"ARE YOU SIMPLE?  OF COURSE NOT!"  

And, she slammed the door in Sam's face, practically cutting off his nose.  Sam rubbed his sore nose and sadly went back to his wife.